March has always just been one of those slog months for me. Being between my birthday and 4/20 means that I'm essentially just trying to rush through the whole thing while spending as little money as possible. I haven't been up to much this month, only paying for a 3-credit course and hopefully starting a new job. As I've gotten older, I think I've had less to look forward to. Especially now being 23, it's not like I have any more milestone birthdays coming up within the next year or so - hell, I've been calling this year my "blink-182 year", and next to nobody has gotten the joke.
I've been thinking about trying to diet and work out again. It's hard for me to even want to do either of those things just a little bit - between food being one of my few creature comforts and most forms of working out only worsening my pain disorders, it just ends up feeling like I'll end up wrecking my mental health to better my physical health in the long run. Hopefully, cleaning and running laps around the grocery store I'll be working at will at least gain me some resilience to start. Doing kettlebell ladders kind of appeals to me, since it's just about working on your breath control, but the hard part is always just starting the routine in the first place.
I figure all my poor sleep is the main contributor to the overwhelming feeling of awful I have all the time. Out of everything wrong with me health-wise, it's the one I do the least about. The problem is that nobody ever seems to take me fucking seriously about it. Sure, I'm on sleep medications now, but I can sleep for either 1 hour or 16 and I'll still feel as awful as I did when I went to bed in the first place. All this terrible health garbage circles back on itself, and if you aren't taken seriously by professionals about just one part of it, you're pretty much fucked.
Maybe I'll try to get a referral to the rheumatology clinic at my hospital this week. They were supposed to give me one months ago, but, again, I guess I just flat out wasn't listened to about it.
On a wholly unrelated note, I recently watched the movie Dicks: The Musical for the 100th time. Why, you may ask? For the Letterboxd 365 Day Challenge and because I think it's incredibly funny to have watched that movie specifically over 300 times. Yes, I know most (if not all) of the songs by heart now. No, I haven't learned the choreography yet.
Day 122 (the third-of-the-way mark) is March 25th. The only reason I can say that with so much certainty is because, like an idiot, I picked a leap year to do this challenge in, so it divides nicely into thirds of 366.
☣ Feeling: Exhausted